Barker Mediation Services
My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child Birmingham
Family Mediation for Child Contact & Child Arrangements
Being prevented from seeing your child can be upsetting, frustrating and difficult to know how to handle.
When communication between parents has broken down, discussions about seeing the children can quickly become emotional. You may be unsure what to say, what your options are, or how to move things forward without making the situation worse.
At Barker Mediation, we help separated parents have structured, child-focused conversations about contact and child arrangements.
Family mediation provides a neutral environment where you can discuss what is happening, explore possible arrangements and work towards an agreement that focuses on your child’s needs and wellbeing.
What Can I Do If My Ex Won’t Let Me See My Child?
If your former partner is stopping or restricting contact with your child, consider the circumstances behind the disagreement.
Many reasons can cause child arrangements to break down. Communication may have deteriorated following separation, one parent may have concerns about existing arrangements, plans may no longer be working, or there may be a wider dispute between you.
Whatever has happened between the adults, discussions about child arrangements should focus on the child’s needs and wellbeing.
Family mediation allows both parents to explain their concerns and discuss whether they can agree on practical arrangements.
How Can Family Mediation Help?
A family mediator is independent and neutral. They do not take either parent’s side or decide who is right or wrong.
Instead, the mediator helps you identify the issues that need resolving and supports constructive discussions about possible solutions.
Depending on your circumstances, mediation could help you discuss:
- When your child spends time with each parent
- Weekday and weekend arrangements
- School holidays
- Birthdays and special occasions
- Christmas and other celebrations
- Pick-ups and drop-offs
- Telephone and video contact
- School and extracurricular activities
- Communication between parents
- Changes to existing arrangements
- Creating a more structured parenting plan
The aim is not to revisit every disagreement from the relationship. It is to help you look at what needs to happen now and what arrangements may work for your child going forward.
“My Ex Won’t Even Speak to Me”
You don’t need to communicate well with your former partner before contacting a mediator.
In fact, communication difficulties are one reason separated parents seek mediation.
You can contact Barker Mediation independently and arrange your own initial meeting, known as a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM).
During your MIAM, you can privately explain what has been happening.
The mediator can explain how mediation works, discuss your options and assess whether mediation is appropriate for your circumstances.
Where appropriate, the mediation service can then contact the other parent separately about taking part.
You do not need to persuade your ex-partner to attend mediation before you speak to us.
What Is a MIAM?
A MIAM is a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting.
It is usually an individual meeting with an accredited family mediator.
During your MIAM, you can:
- Explain what has been happening.
- Discuss the difficulties surrounding contact with your child.
- Learn how family mediation works.
- Ask questions about the process.
- Discuss any safety or safeguarding concerns.
- Explore whether mediation is appropriate.
- Understand possible next steps.
Attending a MIAM does not mean you are committing to mediation.
It is an opportunity to understand the process and your options before deciding what happens next.
In many cases involving applications to the family court, you must attend a MIAM before making an application, although exemptions apply in certain circumstances.
What If My Ex Refuses Mediation?
Mediation is voluntary. A mediator cannot force your former partner to take part or force either parent to agree to a particular arrangement.
However, their refusal does not necessarily leave you without options.
If mediation cannot proceed because the other parent does not wish to participate, your mediator can explain the next steps available to you.
Where appropriate, this may include the documentation required to demonstrate that the MIAM requirement has been addressed if you subsequently decide to make a relevant application to the family court.
Barker Mediation does not provide legal advice or decide whether you should make a court application. If you need advice about your legal position, speak to a family-law solicitor.
Can Mediation Decide When I See My Child?
A mediator does not impose a contact schedule or make decisions for your family.
Instead, mediation allows both parents to work towards their own arrangements.
Discussions might cover arrangements such as:
Regular Contact
Which days and times the child spends with each parent.
Weekends
How weekends could be divided and how handovers will work.
School Holidays
How longer holidays and half terms could be shared.
Christmas & Birthdays
How important occasions can be managed fairly and with as little disruption to the child as possible.
Telephone & Video Contact
How parents can maintain appropriate contact with their child when they are apart.
Handovers
Where and how children will move between parents.
Communication
How parents communicate with each other about their child going forward.
Every family is different, so arrangements should reflect the circumstances and needs of the individual child and family.
What If There Are Safety or Domestic Abuse Concerns?
Mediation is not appropriate in every situation.
If there has been domestic abuse, coercive or controlling behaviour, safeguarding concerns, or you are worried about the safety of yourself or your child, tell the mediator during your MIAM.
Your mediator will assess whether mediation is appropriate and discuss your options.
There are circumstances where a person may be exempt from the usual MIAM requirement before making a court application, including certain situations involving domestic abuse, child protection concerns or urgency.
If you or your child is in immediate danger, contact the emergency services rather than waiting for mediation.
What Happens If We Reach an Agreement?
If you reach an agreement through mediation, you can record the arrangements so both parents clearly understand what was discussed and agreed.
Mediation agreements are not automatically legally binding.
If you want an agreement to become legally binding, you can obtain independent legal advice about the appropriate next steps.
What Happens If We Cannot Agree?
Sometimes parents cannot reach an agreement through mediation.
That does not mean the process has necessarily been wasted.
Mediation can help identify unresolved issues and clarify each parent’s position.
If you cannot reach an agreement, your mediator can explain the conclusion of the mediation process and, where appropriate, provide the relevant MIAM documentation.
You can then obtain independent legal advice about your options, which may include applying to the family court for a Child Arrangements Order.
Do I Have to Sit in the Same Room as My Ex?
Not necessarily.
Depending on the circumstances and whether mediation is considered suitable, different arrangements may be available.
Your mediator will discuss the process with you during your MIAM and consider whether mediation can take place safely and appropriately.
Tell your mediator about any concerns you have about communicating directly with your former partner.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can my ex stop me seeing my child?
Disputes over child contact can be legally complex and individual circumstances matter. A mediator cannot give you legal advice about your individual rights. Still, mediation may help parents discuss why contact has broken down and explore whether they can agree on new arrangements. For advice about your specific legal position, speak to a qualified family-law professional.
Can I start mediation without my ex?
Yes. You can arrange your own MIAM without your former partner attending. Your initial meeting is normally held individually.
What happens if my ex ignores the mediator?
Mediation is voluntary, and the other parent cannot be forced to participate. If mediation cannot proceed, your mediator can explain what happens next and, where appropriate, provide the relevant MIAM documentation.
Will the mediator tell my ex they have to let me see my child?
No. Mediators are neutral and cannot order either parent to do anything. Their role is to help parents communicate and explore whether they can reach an agreement.
Can we create a parenting plan?
Yes. Mediation can help you discuss detailed parenting arrangements, including regular contact, holidays, handovers, communication, and other practical matters.
Do I need mediation before going to court?
For many applications concerning child arrangements in England and Wales, you will usually need to attend a MIAM before applying to court. There are exemptions, including in certain circumstances involving domestic abuse, child protection concerns and urgency. Your mediator can explain the MIAM process.
What if I already have a Child Arrangements Order?
If an existing court order is not being followed, consider getting independent legal advice about your options. The right route may differ from establishing child arrangements for the first time.
You Don’t Have to Work This Out Alone
When you are not seeing your child, it can be difficult to separate the emotion from the practical decisions that need to be made.
You do not have to resolve everything before asking for help.
Your first step can simply be speaking privately with a family mediator.
At Barker Mediation, we can listen to what has been happening, explain the mediation process and help you understand whether mediation could be appropriate for your family.